I attended a Marriage Class at a Women's Conference this weekend. We were all asked to submit one piece of advice that I wanted to share with you...for women from other women:
. Don’t loose sight of the big picture
· Use humor / laugh
· See him as Heavenly Father sees him
· Internalize the message that “men think to talk and women talk to think”
· Go ahead and go to bed “mad” (or at least with some unresolved issues). Discuss difficult issues when you are not tired.
· Don’t wait until the last minute to talk about something important – “get things out”
· When you feel a certain way, express it. Good as well as bad. Don’t keep anything bottled up inside.
· Spend time each day sharing uninterrupted conversation about how your day went. Ask questions and be interested in the answer.
· Ask for a hug when you need one.
· Ask yourself each day what you can do to make your spouse’s life easier that day
. Perform an act of service for your husband each day.
· “I’m not always right.”
· Treat him the way you want to be treated.
· Compliment on any and all positive (avoid negative)
· Learn his “love language” or how he wants to receive and feel loved (eg. Is it acts of service, verbal or written words, physical touch, time where you really listen.
· Beat the dog to the door when he comes home.
· Keep going on dates (arrange a sitter, pick a place) – keep romance alive.
· Work on communication.
· Try not to complain so much.
· Be spontaneous – try something new and fun together.
· Go on weekend get aways.
· Admire their strengths and be patient with weaknesses.
· Do something nice, that you don’t do everyday, like a hand rub, foot rub or breakfast in bed.
· Kiss, kiss, kiss
· Make great memories together and capture them.
· Stay close, sit close, sleep close, walk close – BE CLOSE
· Think kindly and speak kindly of him.
· A wife should be mindful not to take her husband for granted ….financially or any other way
· Give him plenty of notice when your birthday or anniversary is coming up.
· Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill – overlook the unimportant little things.
· Don’t stop listening.
· Date Night!! Take turns being in charge…that way you can do things that each enjoys, each is good at.
· Love them for who they are and NOT for who you want them to be.
· Listen to his stories at least as long as you want him to listen to yours.
· Remember – HE is not your enemy.
· Apologize first.
· Make sure you let your spouse know (no matter how small) that they are on your mind constantly.
· Always engage your brain, before you engage your mouth.
· Start every conversation with a smile.
· Greet your husband with optimism. Be happy to see him and hear about his day (before launching into how hard your day was!)
· Lead your heart…You are in charge of your feelings, not him.
· Cultivate a desire to be with him; to enjoy his company; to hear his thoughts, his stories and his jokes (even if you have heard them before). Sit next to him, rub his back…whatever speaks love to him.
· Don’t assume you can reach a point where everything is okay, that you don’t need to try anymore. Effort to keep a marriage healthy is and eternal effort.
· Remember, he has agency and must have space and safety to make his own decisions.
· Two magic words, “Yes, dear”. Very freeing! The pressure just dissolves. I feel happy, generous, and relieved.
· When you are upset with him for something you cannot change, find memories or something that momentarily gives you a grateful perspective on him – choose to maintain that thought again and again and move forward….leave the other behind.
· Pray for your husband everyday.
· Think: Our marriage is perfect. Things go wrong in the world, but our marriage is perfect. Don’t blame your marriage.
· Pray to see your husband as Heavenly Father sees him.
· Even if dinner isn’t ready, have the table set and he’ll think it’ll be soon.
· Be flexible; be ready at a moments notice to go with him. Don’t have such a full and strict schedule that you can’t work him into it.
· Stop and take and take a few minutes before you respond to anything said in anger – forgive, forgive, forgive!
· Remember, that you are of worth.
· Talk with each other about all parts of your life and share good times and bad.
· When he had to travel, I left notes and a scripture in his lunch, truck, suitcase – just to lift him up and he returned home happily.
· If you want your husband to improve on some trait, compliment him in front of others as if he already does what you want and does it so well. It’s like a magic trick. He will automatically begin to fulfill that expectation.
· Don’t think about yourself and what you want. Be patient and loving.
· If you want something, ask him for it…he is not a mind reader.
· Never expect him to come home at a certain time; that way you’re not disappointed when he is late.
· Give him the benefit of the doubt.
· One way to make time to spend together is to play games after the kids are in bed.
· Send him flowers out of the blue.
· Be his biggest cheerleader.
· Cherish the blessings of your marriage and love daily.
· “O, be wise, What more can I say”
· Trust your husband to be able to do the things that you normally do.
· Teach your family to WORK together.
· Make sure and say, “I love you” every day.
· Laugh
· Overlook little mistakes your husband makes as he speaks…it doesn’t matter if he says DVD or VCR….Learn to restrain from correcting him. You will be at ease…let it go!!!
· Sometimes, it is almost impossible to have a neat and tidy home at the end of the day. On those days (which was most everyday when the children were young) I would let my husband know where the clean room, corner or spot was for the day. That let him know that order was also important to me, but I was just unable to achieve it that day. It really helped.
· Try to really understand your spouse. When he speaks, listen carefully to what he is saying instead of formulating in your mind what you are going to say. Repeating what he said in your own words will help.
· Laugh a lot and just be easy to live with. Don’t be overly sensitive!
· When we are getting ready for bed and it is just the two of us, I often say things like, “Who loves me in this house?” and he raises his hand. I will also ask yes/no questions that give him a chance to tell me how much he loves me….If I ask a question like, why do you love me…he and I both laugh when he says….”oh no, an essay question.” It is so good to laugh and not pout when you want to be told you are loved!
· Serve together. Do not get into the trap of thinking – “that’s his calling” or that’s HIS problem…he got himself into this. Support him in his generous feelings…help him to serve…be there to cheer him on, iron his shirt, help him find his keys….If you want a good man, help him and support him in his efforts to be one. It will come back to you a thousand fold when you need his support!
· Express your gratitude for your spouse to Heavenly Father.
· On our honeymoon, we made a list of all the reasons that we loved one another and we put it with our patriarchal blessings. We have made new lists on our 5th, 10th, 15th, etc. anniversaries.
· After we say our prayers as a family, we say nice things about the person who said the prayer. It is such a positive way to end our day.
· Cultivate interests….read good books, read the paper….have interesting conversations that are not just about what is happening at home. Conversations about Conference talks or Ensign articles are stimulating and draw you closer to one another.
Cultivate similar interests…get involved in something TOGETHER.
· Always kiss your spouse good night.
. Pray together and pray for each other, even in little things.
· Look for little ways to serve each other and be courteous to each other – remember please, thank you, excuse me is not just for guests.
· Remember your husband is a gift from Heavenly Father and he has many talents and gifts, but one of them in NOT the capacity to read your mind. Be kind to the both of you and don’t expect him to! Give him the gift of knowing your heart – your joys, your fears, your hopes, your needs, your desires and most importantly, your faith in him and in our Savior and in the Gospel. · Find things to do together that you both enjoy, but allow each other to continue to pursue individual activities or hobbies.
· Work on your relationship with yourself and with the Lord before trying to FIX your marriage or parenting.
· Laugh with, never AT your spouse.
· Do not discuss him with anyone else. You must learn to work things out WITH him.
· If it is not eternally important, compromise…Cap off the toothpaste – it is not life shattering.
· When I disagree, I say “You may be right” and let it go.
· I will not engage in an argument because the spirit will not be there.
· Along with physical fidelity within marriage, emotional and spiritual fidelity is just as important. Don’t ever allow yourself to lean more on someone other than your husband for emotional and spiritual strength.
· We have read the scriptures every day. We have not missed. When either of us is out of town, we call and have scripture study and family prayer. This has helped me to feel closer to my husband and to love him more each day.
· Serve without keeping score.
· Agree to disagree – my mom always said never go to bed angry, but I found we would just stay up all night upset. So we agree to disagree – go to bed – and amazingly, things look so much better in the morning.
· Remember daily the reasons I fell in love with my husband.
· When watching videos together, sit close and snuggle.
· “You don’t stop dancing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop dancing!” Keep the fun in your marriage.
· Remember these three words: you’re probably right!
· If work allows, call just to say I love you.
· End of the day ritual…as we lay on our pillows at the end of the day, we tell each other the best thing that happened that day.
· You may not realize it yet, but men have tender feelings. Their feelings can get hurt easily. Speak to them with care.
· When we do something for each other that is outside of what we WANT to do…we call it a “true love” e.g. letting him have a nap on a Sunday afternoon while you entertain the kids; letting him go on a bike ride every Saturday; It lets him know that you are giving him a gift without pouting!
· We find time to talk, even with 6 children at home. We find a quiet place in the home – living room, our bedroom and we go in there and talk. We don’t let the kids interrupt and they get it, they leave us alone while we visit….my little thing that I do is sit on the edge of the tub when he is taking a shower and listen and visit. I could stay in bed…for me, it is a way of saying I love you!
9 years ago
